" I Chose The Road Less Traveled... Now Where The Heck Am I? "
Sunday, February 13, 2011
HOUSEHOLD DIVIDED: How I Made It To Where I Am...
As parents, we all want what's best for our children. I'm sure not too many people aspire to have a failed relationship and be a single parent, but let's face it, it happens. The idea of "stay together for the kids" only goes so far. I believe that it is best when a child is raised by their two parents in the same household but I have come to realize that this is not always "best". What's worse than separated parents? Two parents still living together who are constantly arguing. The tension shows right through to children. They see that their parents are unhappy, and may even feel guilty that they're only together because of them. Luckily my parents are happily married and although they argue at times, I could never see them with anyone else. I tried to put myself in the situation of a child with parents who just aren't meant to be together. I would much rather see my parents happy apart than miserable together.
After many "obstacles" that I faced with my son's dad (which no I am not getting into because I am over it and am better off on my own) and many attempts at working our problems out, I had to make a very difficult decision. "Do I stay or do I go now.... If I go there will be trouble.... If I stay it will be double!!" Maybe the Clash had it figured out all along (actually since 1981). I knew I was not happy, and realized that things were not going to change. I knew that it would not be easy on my own, but I couldn't go on fighting and feeling the way that I did. THAT was not fair for Mason. So, I left. I walked away from that relationship knowing that there was a chance that I would NEVER meet someone else who would be willing to take on a woman with a child. I was willing to take that risk because I truly felt that was the best decision for the well being of my son. And so my life began.
After a nice long bout of depression, I found myself, I began to love myself... and SURPRISE!!!! I was happy! And all it took was a few months of karaoke and jumping out of an airplane to "find comfort in my life". But it worked and I am grateful. I was comfortable in my own shoes, ready to live again! Okay... so it really wasn't that simple. I went through some very hard times and was very upset with how my life was panning out for a long time. Once again "the plans" had changed. I just had to figure out a new game plan and my life would be back in order. The point is that you WILL get through it and you will be stronger because of it.
You can't start thinking about finding someone new until you are comfortable with who you are, where you're at, and what you're doing. Bottom line: You need to LOVE YOURSELF before letting someone else in again. Dating as a single parent is hard and I will get into that in my next post, but until then....
Stay strong, stand tall, be proud... you're surviving!